G. B. Risch's

Classifieds

Khaki Tear Aways (two pair)

Why mess with the hassle of zipping and buttoning your pants! Don’t let the basketball players have all the fun…buy these delightful khaki tear aways today. Fashionably pleated with velcro side-enclosures, these pants are guaranteed to impress. Go from being drab and dressed up to the life of the party in one quick motion!

Delorean DMC-12 4 Sale

Over 20 yrs of use, but still in great shape! We came back from the future’s past months before the years after, so no need for the ol’ gal anymore. Only $5,000. Great Scott! That’s a helluva price.

Elitist Discussion Group

Are you inherently superior to the masses? If so, amalgamate in our superciliousness. We confabulate about trivial topics throughout multi-syllabic colloquies.

Agglutination: Thursdays 8PM

Location: Main Library’s VIP Section (Circumambulate the edifice until you reach the VIP door.)

*If you Googled any of the words in this post, please refrain from attending.

SEMICOLONS SEMICOLONS SEMICOLONS!!

Gramma Mart has liquidated all semicolons, and that means blowout prices for you! By 100; get 10; for; free. Use one; or two; today. Pause a sentence; here. Pause a sentence; there. Pause a sentence; anywhere!! Come on down to Punctuation Station. 25 Parenthe St., High Fen Park.

All Thumbs

Man with no thumbs seeks assistance to hitchhike across America. Other responsibilities will include thumb wrestling, flipping a coin, and giving the “thumbs up.” Please, no high-fives.

Are You My Father

SWTYNFD seeks GBWRS for lightsaber duels.

Decrease Your Fulfillment Today!

We have hundreds of puzzles on sale. Each one is missing a couple of pieces, but never more than three! You’ll put the whole thing together before you even notice. Order today!

**Family Garage Sale**

This stuff’s been in our garage for ages! Highlighted items include:

  • several romance novels
  • children’s books (decoratively torn and colored upon)
  • Remoteless remote-controlled cars
  • Chipped dishware (full set!)
  • Rare lawn ornaments

Stop by this Saturday only! 7am-2pm No early birds please.

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